mars.txt

#I'LL will HIT YOU...
$RANDOM$ will  hit $VICTIM$'s so hard by the time he comes down, he'll need a passport and a plane ticket back!
$RANDOM$ will hit $VICTIM$'s so hard he'll have to take off his shoes to shit!
$RANDOM$ will hit $VICTIM$'s so hard he'll have to unzip your pants to say hi!
$RANDOM$ will hit $VICTIM$'s so hard his kids will be born dizzy!
$RANDOM$ will hit $VICTIM$'s so hard his wife will fall!

#DUMB...
$VICTIM$ is so dumb he thinks socialism means partying!
$VICTIM$ is so dumb he thinks manual labor is a Mexican!
$VICTIM$ is so dumb he thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!
$VICTIM$ is so dumb it takes him an hour and a half to watch "60 Minutes"!
$VICTIM$ is so stupid he probably thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your telephone bill.
$VICTIM$ is so dumb he got blonde roots in his eyeballs.
$VICTIM$ so stupid, that he got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away all the W's.
$VICTIM$ is so stupid, that he went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut.
$VICTIM$ is so stupid, that he went to a Whalers game to see Shamu.
$VICTIM$ is so stupid, it takes he an hour to cook minute rice.

#UGLY...
$VICTIM$ is so ugly...  $RANDOM$ used to push his face into dough to make gorilla biscuits
$VICTIM$ is so ugly he'd make a train take a dirt road!
$VICTIM$ is so ugly when he'd walk into a bank, they turn the cameras off!
$VICTIM$ is  so  ugly,  if he stuck his head out the window, they'd arrest him for mooning!
$VICTIM$ is  so  ugly  if  he  joined  an  ugly  contest, they'd say "Sorry, no professionals!"
$VICTIM$ is so ugly his face is closed on weekends!
$VICTIM$ is so ugly he could be the poster child for abortion/birth control!
$VICTIM$ is so ugly if $RANDOM$'s dog looked like him, he'd shave its ass and teach it to walk backwards!
$VICTIM$ is so ugly when he was born the doctor slapped your mother!
$VICTIM$ is  so ugly when he was born, your mother saw the afterbirth and said "Twins!"
$VICTIM$ is so ugly they know what time he was born, because his face stopped the clock!
$VICTIM$ is so ugly he could scare the moss off a rock!
$VICTIM$ is so ugly he could scare the chrome off a bumper!
$VICTIM$'s face is so so ugly when he cries the tears run up his face.
$VICTIM$ is so ugly, his mother had to feed him with a sling shot.
$VICTIM$ is so ugly, his mother had to tie a steak around his neck to get the dog to play with him.

#FAT...
$VICTIM$ is so fat when he sits around the house, he sits AROUND the HOUSE
$VICTIM$ is so fat a picture of him would fall off the wall!
$VICTIM$ is  so  fat  if  he  weighed  five  more  pounds,  he could get group insurance!
$VICTIM$ is  so  fat  he  gets  clothes in three sizes:  extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us!
$VICTIM$ is so fat that if $RANDOM$ gave him a shoe shine, he'd have to take his word for it!
$VICTIM$ is so fat, that he has to strap a beeper on his belt to warn people he's backing up.
$VICTIM$ is so fat, that he has to use a mattress as a maxi-pad.

#GENERAL...
$VICTIM$ is so skinny, that he uses a bandaid as a maxi-pad.
$VICTIM$ is like a light switch, even a little kid can turn him on.

#MOTHERS...
$VICTIM$'s mother's  armpits  are  so hairy it looks like she had Buckwheat in a headlock.
$VICTIM$'s mother's so fat it takes her two trips to haul ass.
$VICTIM$'s mom's so fat, her yearbook picture was an aerial photo.
$VICTIM$'s mom's so fat, I had to roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.
$VICTIM$'s mom's so fat, I had to slap her thigh and ride the wave in.
They  say  that  beauty is only a light switch away, with $VICTIM$'s mom I had to use a black light.
$VICTIM$'s mom's so stupid it takes her a half hour to make minute rice.
$VICTIM$'s mom's so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie facedown.
$VICTIM$'s mom's got snakeskin teeth.
$VICTIM$'s mom's so stupid I saw her in the frozen food section w/a fishing rod.
$VICTIM$'s mom's so fat, at the zoo the elephants started throwing Her peanuts.
$VICTIM$'s mom's got hair on her tongue and she gargles w/curl activator.
$VICTIM$'s mom's got a wooden leg w/a real foot.
$VICTIM$'s mom's got a leather wig w/suede sideburns.
$VICTIM$'s momma's so fat, she jumped up in the air -- AND GOT STUCK!
$VICTIM$'s mother's like a door knob, everybody gets a turn.
$VICTIM$'s mother's like a birthday cake, everybody gets a piece.
$VICTIM$'s mother's like mustard, she spreads easy.
$VICTIM$'s Mama's got three teeth...one in her mouth & two in her pocket.
$VICTIM$'s Mama's breath's so strong, she be blowin' bubbles with Now & Laters.
$VICTIM$'s Mama's so old, her birthday's expired.
$VICTIM$'s  Mother is so stupid, she needs a ruler beside her bed to see how long she can sleep.
$VICTIM$'s Mother is so dumb, she got hit by a cup and said she got mugged.
$VICTIM$'s  Mother  is  so  old, I told her to start acting her age and the bitch died.
$VICTIM$'s mama's so old she owes Jesus Christ a quarter
$VICTIM$'s mama's so poor she went to McDonald's to put a shake on layaway
$VICTIM$'s mama's so dumb she sold the car for gas money
$VICTIM$'s mama's so dumb she cooked her own complimentary breakfast.
$VICTIM$'s  Mama's  So  fat,  when  her  beepgr  goes off, people thought she was backing up
$VICTIM$'s Mama's So stupid, it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
$VICTIM$'s Mama's So fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"
$VICTIM$'s Mama's So stupid, when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends
$VICTIM$'s Mama's So fat, she had to go to Sea World to get baptized
$VICTIM$'s Mama's So fat, she got to iron her pants on the driveway
$VICTIM$'s Mama's So fat, she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
$VICTIM$'s Mama's So fat, she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets
$VICTIM$'s Mama's So fat, when she steps on a scale, it read "...to be continued"
$VICTIM$'s  Mama's  So nasty, when she goes to a hair salon, she told the stylist to cut her hair and she opened up her shirt.
$VICTIM$'s Mama's So fat, when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th
$VICTIM$'s  Mama's So ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."
$VICTIM$'s Mama's So ugly, she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
$VICTIM$'s  Mama's  So  ugly,  just  after  she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."
$VICTIM$'s Mama's So old, I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died.
$VICTIM$'s Mama's So ugly, they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
$VICTIM$'s Mama's So ugly, they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower
$VICTIM$'s  Mama's So ugly, they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.
$VICTIM$'s  Mama's So poor, when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."
$VICTIM$'s Mama's So fat, when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
$VICTIM$'s  Mama's  So ugly, instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck
$VICTIM$'s Mama's So ugly, she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
$VICTIM$'s  Mama's  So  ugly,  when  she  walks  into  a  bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras
$VICTIM$'s Mama's So fat, the highway patrol made her wear "Caution!  Wide Turn"
$VICTIM$'s  Mama's  So  stupid, when $VICTIM$'s dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon
$VICTIM$'s  Mama's  So  fat,  when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!
$VICTIM$'s  Mama's  So  fat,  when  she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"
$VICTIM$'s  Mama's  So  stupid,  she  told  everyone  that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read.
$VICTIM$'s Mama's So ugly, her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her
$VICTIM$'s  Mama's So ugly, her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
$VICTIM$'s  Mama's  So  ugly, when she walks down the street in September, people say "Damn, is it Halloween already?"
$VICTIM$'s Mama's So ugly, the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
$VICTIM$'s Mom's like a race car driver...  she burns a lot of rubbers
$VICTIM$'s Mom's like a doorknob...  everybody gets a turn
$VICTIM$'s Mom's like an ice cream cone...  everyone gets a lick
$VICTIM$'s Mom's like a bowling ball you can fit three fingers in
$VICTIM$'s Mom's like a bowling ball she always winds up in the gutter
$VICTIM$'s Mom's like a bowling ball she always comes back for more
$VICTIM$'s Mom's like McDonalds...  Billions and Billions served
$VICTIM$'s Mom's like Denny's...  open 24 hours
$VICTIM$'s Mom's like a shotgun...  give her a cock and she blows
$VICTIM$'s Mom's like 7up...never had it never will.
$VICTIM$'s mama's like a railroad track:  She gets laid all over the country.
$VICTIM$'s mama's like a T.V.:  A two year old could turn her on.
$VICTIM$'s mama's like a goalie:  she changes her pads after three periods.
$VICTIM$'s mama's like Crazy Eddie, she's practically giving it all away
$VICTIM$'s is mother's so dumb...she got stabbed at a shoot-out.
$VICTIM$'s mama's like a Christmas tree, everybody hangs balls on her.
$VICTIM$'s  mom  is  like a postage stamp, you lick her, stick her, then send her away.
$VICTIM$'s mom is so fat, everytime she wears high heels, she strikes oil.

$VICTIM$'s mother's so dumb she got stabbed at a shoot-out.
$VICTIM$'s mother's so dumb heard it was chilly outside and grabbed a bowl.
$VICTIM$'s mother's so dumb got hit by a parked car.

#Insults...
$RANDOM$ is looking forward to the pleasure of $VICTIM$'s company since he hasn't had it yet.
When $VICTIM$ passes away and people ask what the cause of your death was, $RANDOM$ will say "his stupidity".
$RANDOM$ will see $VICTIM$ in his dreams - if he eats too much.
$VICTIM$ is the best at all he does - and all he does is make people hate him.
$VICTIM$, don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another?
When $VICTIM$ gets run over by a car it shouldn't be listed under accidents.
I  hear  that  when  $VICTIM$ was a child his mother wanted to hire someone to take care of him but the Mafia wanted too much.
I  hear that when $VICTIM$'s mother first saw him she decided to leave him on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in.
$VICTIM$ was born  because his mother didn't believe in abortion; now she believes in infanticide.
No one should be punished for accident of birth but $VICTIM$ looks too much like a wreck not to be.
$VICTIM$ is a habit I'd like to kick; with both feet.
I hear the only place $VICTIM$ is ever invited is outside.
I would like the pleasure of $VICTIM$'s company but it only gives me displeasure.
$VICTIM$, if you ever tax your brain, don't charge more than a penny.
$VICTIM$, don't you have a terribly empty feeling ---- in your skull?
$VICTIM$, it's your life --- but I wish you'd let us have it.
I don't  consider $VICTIM$ a vulture.  I consider $VICTIM$ something a vulture would eat.
I believe in respect for the dead; in fact I could only respect $VICTIM$ if he were WERE dead.
I admire $VICTIM$ because I've never had the courage it takes to be a liar, a thief and a cheat.
$VICTIM$ is acquitting yourself in such a way that no jury ever would.
$VICTIM$ has a face only a mother could love - and she hates it!
$VICTIM$ never strikes out blindly; he fails in the light.