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pestilence.js
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pestilence.js
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/**
* Pestilence
*
* A collection of JavaScript utilities to ruin someone’s day, regardless of
* ability...disability.
*
* Installation:
* Drop this file anywhere on your page. To disable a specific "pest", set
* its corresponding flag to "false" in the options object at the bottom of
* this script.
*
* Suggested Uses:
* - Hellbanned users!
* - Wrap it in an IE conditional tag!
*
* Copyright 2013 Kevin Sweeney; not a bad guy--just a horrible person.
*
* ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
*
* Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License");
* you may not use this file except in compliance with the License.
* You may obtain a copy of the License at
*
* http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0
*
* Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software
* distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS,
* WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied.
* See the License for the specific language governing permissions and
* limitations under the License.
*/
var Pestilence = (function() {
'use strict';
// Constants _________________________________________________________________
var SECONDS = 1000;
// Audio Pest ________________________________________________________________
/**
* Plays a high-pitched noise at random intervals.
*/
function AudioPest(mp3_src, ogg_src) {
var self = this,
audio_12kHz_base64_mp3 = 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////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////7sMCnAD/pTThgAs2BdamnDABZsP///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////8AADgj////////9f/////+WRExahPIhMFzQCgEQMG4DgNDBGAM64CgLBpBwDhDBcZDygdV///////////////////////////////////////////////////////gAADgD////////9uv/////0CLDTGwMkHRBCA8AgNwGJV/gGIANAAoEQwII7GUIoVzz///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////G0k23JLbsyRM1USgyDvIWxGgsH4hCnIWph6E0SssZ7kLUw9CaJWWM7AwDSDUG0K+McmAYB+hqy0DjGOTAMA/Qj5tiSAtxFAEwvoBuRYE4EEHOAYE9ANyLAnAggi4CeaQBuNcCcA+KHlo2VFnFeF7EBih5aNlRZRVhbsumSgCYFgKoEYDAUTAABQJBQJjABGBgDIPGBAGEQCAEDQMC4wAhgcBCPJgaBpMCBgCB4CB8//uwwKcAE+VNNmACzYb3wid09/W5YAYwQApE0wNBMmA8wCAwBBWIgKMFAOL+mCILjwLmAgLGCgBCMBzBwEC4JbNb5ewvgouWjcYCgCnGFAACAASXMBQBWMYAAMgYFAGAwIEIBmBoEpFGBQICwIGAIJmC4DpSmAoBqDGAgGCwEGAIGmC4HlQFjCwIgEERhoMxj8EhreppwEKBhKIJiGGpgaARhADg8F5gECACBwhAEwHANdQAABOBHsvQwsvG4yJi/Fb1dwQoPDywjeNLZfBjEJC1iBHTceSNcnXDgeA3fmnInXbi8QfiafyzK5+YllWN3pXP1JZjK79JP1KTGnv0ljOkxp79Sxun7T9qWN0/amGFjdP2phnbxr9AI8BIRHiAyOkIj7ZHJJJJJJECbomp4k+MpfJyrDmcS/GUvk5ZC3JYvqFJEnLIW5HH6dK6NFkLcjjdMleLk5nMjjdMleJ0tltOFElxXBOlWSk4TeIUuB6lWSk8TeJcmRNWcgpwm8y6DV2w4sNArKmXQau2KMOe5gLjQSu2KLmbZpLLXwZzFFzNs0ldMELuhbAmnMhU1ehMZ71MVqsxTBeBIp50vVqrBIAm6IBpGyl1XSYlBagMXWFbVpS6nrUFdxE5tVKkwm7oBW0QTLOLysuelMV5ETlnKYqCpOGGHgQcbdQYCCVtjVqgMDMQDS5TRRxZ8mE+6pXtZUy54ljQ2u2DmVONALEZWzmTO0/Udd2YcqifaLTMO1IavwzPTMZwjV+Uztalwpr9Wzqmzrdq2dU3auONnWXcccrUJKDFRYLCiomDhQ2NiwVFCoWKIocKhY//////////////+7DApwA/5dU5p79NyXYAJcAAAAT////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////4AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAFRBRzEyMDAwIEZyZXF1ZW5jeSBUb25lAAAAAAAAAAAAAEZyZWVNb3NxdWl0b1Jpbmd0b25lcy5vcmcAAAAAAFRlZW4gQnV6eiBtb3NxdWl0byByaW5ndG9uZXMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA',
audio_12kHz_base64_ogg = 'data:audio/ogg;base64,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test_audio = document.createElement('audio'),
supports_ogg_audio = test_audio.canPlayType('audio/ogg; codecs="vorbis"').replace(/^no$/,'');
// Grrr...why don't you love me Safari? :(
self.audio_src = supports_ogg_audio ? (ogg_src || audio_12kHz_base64_ogg) : (mp3_src || audio_12kHz_base64_mp3);
self.audio_delay_range = {
min: 12 * SECONDS,
max: 25 * SECONDS
};
self.pester();
}
AudioPest.prototype.getDelay = function() {
var self = this,
range = self.audio_delay_range,
random_delay;
random_delay = range.min + (Math.random() * range.max);
return random_delay;
};
AudioPest.prototype.createAudioElement = function() {
var self = this,
audio_element = new Audio();
audio_element.src = self.audio_src;
audio_element.autoplay = false;
audio_element.loop = false;
audio_element.id = 'audio_pest';
document.body.appendChild(audio_element);
return audio_element;
};
AudioPest.prototype.play = function() {
var self = this;
if (!self.element) {
self.element = self.createAudioElement();
}
self.element.play();
};
AudioPest.prototype.pester = function() {
var self = this;
self.timer = setTimeout(function() {
self.play();
self.pester();
}, self.getDelay());
};
AudioPest.prototype.destroy = function() {
var self = this,
element,
parent;
if (!self.element) {
return;
}
clearTimeout(self.timer);
self.element.stop();
element = document.getElementById('audio_pest');
parent = element.getParentNode();
if (parent) {
parent.removeNode(element);
}
};
// Mouse Pest ________________________________________________________________
/**
* Replaces the user's cursor with an identical one (depending on OS
* default) that is offset from the actual position of the cursor.
*/
function MousePest() {
var self = this,
osx_cursor_normal_png = 'data:image/png;base64,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',
osx_cursor_pointer_png = 'data:image/png;base64,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',
win_cursor_normal_png = '@todo',
win_cursor_pointer_png = '@todo',
is_mac = true;
self.cursor_normal = is_mac ? osx_cursor_normal_png : win_cursor_normal_png;
self.cursor_pointer = is_mac ? osx_cursor_pointer_png : win_cursor_pointer_png;
self.pester();
}
MousePest.prototype.pester = function() {
var self = this;
self.updateCSS();
};
MousePest.prototype.updateCSS = function() {
var self = this,
doc = document,
style_sheet,
rules = '';
rules += 'body.lol { cursor: url(' + self.cursor_normal + '), auto !important; }';
rules += 'body.lol a { cursor: url(' + self.cursor_pointer + '), auto !important; }';
self.element = doc.createElement('style'),
self.element.type = 'text/css';
self.element.id = 'mouse_pest';
style_sheet = self.element.styleSheet;
if (style_sheet) {
style_sheet.cssText = rules;
}
else {
self.element.appendChild(doc.createTextNode(rules));
}
doc.getElementsByTagName('head')[0].appendChild(self.element);
addClass(doc.body, 'lol');
};
MousePest.prototype.destroy = function() {
var self = this,
doc = document,
element,
parent;
if (!self.element) {
return;
}
removeClass(doc.body, 'lol');
element = doc.getElementById('mouse_pest');
parent = element.getParentNode();
if (parent) {
parent.removeNode(element);
}
};
// Keyboard Pest _____________________________________________________________
/**
* Moves the caret around as the user types.
*/
function KeyboardPest() {
var self = this;
self.pester();
}
KeyboardPest.prototype.pester = function() {
var self = this;
self.attachEvents();
};
KeyboardPest.prototype.attachEvents = function() {
var self = this,
input_elements = document.querySelectorAll('input, textarea'),
input_el,
i,
limit;
for (i = 0, limit = input_elements.length; i < limit; i++) {
input_el = input_elements[i];
addEvent(input_el, 'keyup', self.onInputKeyPress);
}
};
KeyboardPest.prototype.detachEvents = function() {
var self = this,
input_elements = document.querySelectorAll('input, textarea'),
input_el,
i,
limit;
for (i = 0, limit = input_elements.length; i < limit; i++) {
input_el = input_elements[i];
removeEvent(input_el, 'keyup', self.onInputKeyPress);
}
};
KeyboardPest.prototype.onInputKeyPress = function(e) {
var input = e.target,
random = Math.floor(Math.random() * 100),
a_plague_upon_thee = random < 25, // 25%
random_character,
range,
sel;
if (!a_plague_upon_thee) {
return;
}
random_character = Math.floor(Math.random() * input.value.length - 1);
try {
if (input.setSelectionRange){
input.setSelectionRange(random_character, random_character);
}
else if (input.createTextRange) {
range = input.createTextRange();
range.move('character', random_character);
range.select();
}
}
catch(x) {
// Hide the occassional DOMException errors for now. This still
// works well enough.
}
};
KeyboardPest.prototype.destroy = function(e) {
var self = this;
self.detachEvents();
};
// Accessibility Pest ________________________________________________________
/**
* Destroys any hope of a logic tab index; announces unusable (and
* completely wrong) link indices to screen readers. Instructs screen
* readerss to ignore all heading and paragraph elements.
*/
function AccessibilityPest() {
var self = this;
self.pester();
}
AccessibilityPest.prototype.pester = function() {
var self = this,
doc = document,
anchors = doc.getElementsByTagName('a'),
important_things = doc.querySelectorAll('h1, h2, h3, h4, h5, h6, p'),
cur_anchor,
i,
limit;
for (i = 0, limit = anchors.length; i < limit; i++) {
cur_anchor = anchors[i];
cur_anchor.setAttribute('tabIndex', 1 + Math.floor(Math.random() * 500));
cur_anchor.setAttribute('aria-label', 'Link Number ' + (1 + Math.floor(Math.random() * 100)) + ' of ' + (500 + Math.floor(Math.random() * 1000)));
addClass(anchors[i], 'lol-a11y');
}
for (i = 0, limit = important_things.length; i < limit; i++) {
important_things[i].setAttribute('aria-hidden', 'true');
}
};
AccessibilityPest.prototype.destroy = function() {
var doc = document,
affected_anchors = doc.querySelectorAll('.lol-a11y'),
important_things = doc.querySelectorAll('h1, h2, h3, h4, h5, h6, p'),
cur_anchor,
i,
limit;
for (i = 0, limit = affected_anchors.length; i < limit; i++) {
cur_anchor = affected_anchors[i];
cur_anchor[i].removeAttribute('tabIndex');
cur_anchor[i].removeAttribute('aria-label');
removeClass(affected_anchors[i], 'lol-a11y');
}
for (i = 0, limit = important_things.length; i < limit; i++) {
important_things[i].removeAttribute('aria-hidden');
}
};
// Utility Methods ___________________________________________________________
function addEvent(element, event_name, fn) {
if (element.addEventListener) {
element.addEventListener(event_name, fn, false);
}
else if (element.attachEvent) {
element.attachEvent('on' + event_name, function(e) {
fn(e || window.event);
});
}
}
function removeEvent(element, event_name, fn) {
if (element.addEventListener) {
element.removeEventListener(event_name, fn, false);
}
else if (element.detachEvent) {
element.detachEvent('on' + event_name, fn);
}
}
function addClass(element, class_name) {
element.className += (' ' + class_name);
}
function removeClass(element, class_name) {
element.className = element.className.split(' ' + class_name).join('');
}
// Initialization ____________________________________________________________
var pests = [];
function initialize(options) {
if (options.audio_pest === true) {
pests.push(new AudioPest());
}
if (options.mouse_pest === true) {
pests.push(new MousePest());
}
if (options.keyboard_pest === true) {
pests.push(new KeyboardPest());
}
if (options.accessibility_pest === true) {
pests.push(new AccessibilityPest());
}
}
// Exposed Methods ___________________________________________________________
function getPests() {
return pests;
}
return {
initialize: initialize,
getPests: getPests,
AudioPest: AudioPest,
MousePest: MousePest,
KeyboardPest: KeyboardPest,
AccessibilityPest: AccessibilityPest
};
})();
// Kick-Off __________________________________________________________________
/**
* If your DOM honestly takes longer than eight seconds to load, then move
* this into a proper DOM-ready wrapper. Even so, this will cause an error to
* be thrown and break your site anyway--mission accomplished!
*/
setTimeout(Pestilence.initialize, 8000, {
audio_pest: true,
mouse_pest: true,
keyboard_pest: true,
accessibility_pest: true
});