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  • I figured out I was in love with the previous person I dated. Mostly, b/c I did not feel a single urge to tell the current person I'm dating that I loved them, even though the previous time I took X, I felt a massive urge to tell my partner at the time that I loved them.
    • Kind of bittersweet. I never told my previous partner I loved them, since we were never "official", and so it felt "wrong".
    • Hindsight 20/20 huh?
  • The above insight was useful b/c I ran a git diff on the difference between my previous partner and my current partner. And, the obvious reason was that I have only dated my current partner for a few weeks, whereas when I previously took X, I had dated my previous partner for several months. But If I ask, "why does length of time in relationship matter", the answer is "emotional intimacy". I felt like I could tell my previous partner anything, whereas that is not true of current partner...something something vulnerability, something something... emotional comfort, something something... being a child.
  • Consequence of above is I might punt on having sex w/ current partner until I feel strong emotional intimacy? Depends on whether I get too aroused lol.
  • The git diff was really useful b/c it helped me understand the difference between meditation-love (universal, can be trained as a muscle), and "romantic" love (emotional intimacy + some mixture of attachment / evolutionary instincts).
  • Specifically--now that I (think) I understand the mechanism through which "romantic love" functions--I feel much more optimistic about being able to reliably acquire it vs. previous model of finding a "special someone".
  • Also, feel like I can generate more emotional intimacy w/ current partner by being more vulnerable.
  • One of the problems w/ doing metta-meditation (e.g generating meditation-love) towards a romantic partner is that meditation-love is unattached and universal whereas romantic love is attached. This causes problems in short-term relationships, since in meditation-love you are asked to do things like "imagine the object of your meditation on the happiest day of their life", and it's very probable that if the relationship is short-term, you will not be included in the happiest day of your partner's life. By understanding the difference between meditation love & romantic love, you can let go of attachment-based emotions & focus purely on meditation love (which funnily enough, will generate more romantic love).